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Shut Up About the College Kids, Brah | October
J.M. Barrie wrote about the place in between being awake and dreaming, I'm writing you from the place in between drunk last night and hungover at noon. The place where you're still in a good mood even though there's no reason you should be. The booze is still your friend, and although you pretended your umbrella was a gun on the subway platform as you picked off all the grease balls in sight, you're still in a surprisingly decent place.

While I'm in such good spirits I'm going to tell you all something. Something made of truth. At the game I attended on Tuesday I was impressed with Mike Testwuide and Ben Holmstrom. But not that impressed, however. They could use some seasoning. Also please take this into consideration any time you think there is some serious roster competition going on over the next couple days - each one of them stands to make $900,000 if they make the squad. Guerin will play for that. And he's Bill Guerin. He was more than keeping up out there on Tuesday and he will score 20 goals this season while offering 20 years of NHL experience and playing with a Stanley Cup ring on each hand. Every word that comes out of Homer's mouth is designed to knock another $10k off of Guerin's asking price.

So stop the nonsense. Our two college boys might be good in a couple years. Darroll Powe good. They may even get called up this season. But on this roster there's not a Devils' fart's chance in the hot tub that they're going to make the opening night cut. It might be fun to…you know what, it's not even fun, just pointless. There's no competition happening.

I don't care about tonsils, cuts, or ingrown toe nails. Here are your 14 forwards on the roster opening night:

Carter, Richards, Zherdev, Giroux, van Riemsdyk, Hartnell, Briere, Leino, Carcillo, Betts, Laperriere, Powe, Shelley, Guerin

It gets even easier when Lappy gets put on LTIR. Then they can make a number of moves, none of which involve Homstrom or Testwuide filling the press box as a healthy scratch.

Now you're making me hungover. All y'all.